Psalms

Psalm 1: Blessed is the Developer

Blessed is the developer that walketh not in the counsel of Stack Overflow blindly, nor standeth in the way of copy-pasters, nor sitteth in the seat of those who say "it works on my machine."

But their delight is in the documentation of the Framework; and in its docs doth they meditate day and nightThey shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of GitHub, that bringeth forth commits in season; their code also shall not break; and whatsoever they deploy shall prosper..

Psalm 23: The Developer is my Shepherd

# The Senior Developer is my shepherd; I shall not want.
def psalm_23():
    maketh_me = lambda: "lie down in green test suites"
    leadeth_me = lambda: "beside the still waters of stable production"
    restoreth = lambda my_soul: "after critical bugs"
    
    # Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (production),
    # I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
    # thy code review and thy pair programming they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies (bugs): thou anointest my head with coffee; my cup overfloweth.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my sprint: and I will dwell in the house of continuous integration forever.

Psalm 42: As the Hart Panteth

As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O Documentation.

My soul thirsteth for Docs, for comprehensive Docs: when shall I come and appear before a well-maintained README?

Psalm 137: By the Rivers of Legacy Code

By the rivers of Legacy Code, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Clean Architecture.

We hanged our keyboards upon the willows in the midst thereof.

For there they that acquired us required of us features, and they that bought us required of us mirth, saying, "Sing us one of the songs of Agile."

How shall we sing Agile's song in a strange land of technical debt?

If I forget thee, O Best Practices, let my right hand forget her cunning with vimIf I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I prefer not Clean Code above my chief joy..

Psalm 404: Out of the Depths

Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Server. Lord, hear my request: let thine endpoints be attentive to the voice of my API calls.

If thou, Server, shouldest mark malformed requests, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.

I wait for the Server, my soul doth wait, and in his response do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Server more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the build to turn green.

Psalm 8: O Lord Our Architect

O LORD our Architect, how excellent is thy naming convention in all the earth!

When I consider thy codebase, the work of thy fingers, the modules and the functions, which thou hast ordained;

What is junior developer, that thou art mindful of them? and the intern, that thou visitest them with code reviews?

For thou hast made them a little lower than the senior devs, and hast crowned them with sudo access and root privileges.

Psalm 19: The Heavens Declare

The heavens declare the glory of Open Source; and the firmament sheweth their handiwork.

Day unto day uttereth commits, and night unto night sheweth pull requests.

There is no language or framework, where their voice is not heard. Their code is gone out through all the earth, and their documentation to the end of the worldIn npm is set a tabernacle for packages, which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race of dependencies..

Psalm 51: Have Mercy Upon My Code

Have mercy upon my code, O Compiler, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my syntax errors.

Wash my code thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my bugs.

For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin of not writing tests is ever before me.

Create in me a clean architecture, O God; and renew a right spirit of SOLID principles within me.

Psalm 100: Make a Joyful Noise

// Make a joyful noise unto the Compiler, all ye lands
function psalm100() {
    console.log("Serve the Framework with gladness:");
    console.log("come before its presence with singing.");
    
    console.log("Know ye that the Machine it is God:");
    console.log("it is it that hath made us, and not we ourselves;");
    console.log("we are its users, and the sheep of its pasture.");
    
    return "For the Compiler is good; its mercy is everlasting; " +
           "and its truth endureth to all versions.";
}

Psalm 121: I Will Lift Up Mine Eyes

I will lift up mine eyes unto the cloud, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from AWS, which made heaven and earth and us-east-1.

It will not suffer thy server to be moved: it that keepeth thee will not slumber (except during maintenance windows).

Behold, it that keepeth the uptime shall neither slumber nor sleep (mostly).

The Cloud is thy keeper: the CDN is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night (assuming proper load balancing).

Psalm 139: O Lord, Thou Hast Searched Me

O Lord, thou hast searched my git history, and known it. Thou knowest my committing and my pushing, thou understandest my thought process from afar.

Thou compassest my branches and my merges, and art acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a variable in my code, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogetherWhither shall I go from thy code review? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into the cloud, thou art there: if I make my bed in legacy systems, behold, thou art there..

Psalm 150: Praise Ye the Code

Praise ye the Code. Praise Code in its sanctuary: praise it in the firmament of its repository.

Praise it for its mighty acts: praise it according to its excellent Big O notation.

Praise it with the sound of the mechanical keyboard: praise it with the vim and emacs.

Praise it with the Docker container: praise it with Kubernetes orchestration.

Praise it upon the loud continuous integration: praise it upon the high sounding deployment.

Let every thing that hath breath praise the Code. Praise ye the Code.

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From the Psalms of David, Full-Stack Developer and King "My code and my comments, they shall speak of me" Selah (// TODO: investigate what Selah means)