The Unexpected Negative: a Narcissistic Partner

Both my essays and general outlook on life are typically quite positive and idealistic. This attitude has served me very well over the years. However, if you take a look at my core ideals and values, you'll see one very important line item that I've been forced to revisit lately:

Positivity. Negative atmospheres are toxic. Remove yourself from them.

Normally, for me, this means to remove my negative perception about a given situation. Sometimes, it means to give myself space from a political environment or project which is having a toxic effect on me. But, I've been reminded lately, through a very painful experience, that negativity can take many ugly forms, including that of other people.

The past year of my life has been an absolute rollercoaster of emotion — the highest of highs mixed with the lowest of lows. This newfound source of profound inspiration came to me in the form of a new relationship.

No amount of optimism can change the fact that sometimes, people will take advantage of you, in very unexpected and sinister ways. In my case, I developed a very close romantic relationship with an emotionally manipulative and histrionicnarcissist.

Helping You Help Yourself (or hopefully not...)

Sharing accounts of this nature is a difficult thing to do — there's a heart-warming sense of vulnerability mixed with a chilling sense of shame. But, experiences like these are where all the realness of life gets played out. The only experience is direct experience.

I am writing this article because reading someone else's story woke me up to the fact that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship — perhaps it will help you too.

Emotional (e.g. spiritual) abuse is often overlooked, considered less harmful than physical or sexual abuse — but research shows that nothing could be farther from the truth. Emotional abuse can leave a very successful, kind, and confident person feeling crazy, emotionally unstable, and out of control. Before you know what has happened, you have lost your well-established sense of self-respect, confidence, pride, and trust-worthiness. The abuser considers your most admirable traits, like vulnerability and empathy, as weaknesses and exploits them to achieve their self-serving goals. Over time, if you stay with the abuser, you start to doubt the very foundations of what make you you.